Not If, But When: Preparing Our Children for Worldly Images by John Perritt

This resource book is split into two almost identical halves, one for girls and one for boys. Only the names, pronouns, and illustrations differ between the two parts. Each part has 10 sections:

1. Introduction
2. One of God’s Greatest Gifts (Sex is a gift from God)
3. The Gift’s Instructions (Context and timing)
4. Opening the Gift too Early (We must be cautious of stirring up these desires too soon)
5. Distorting the Gift (Defining pornography)
6. Worshipping the Gift (Objectifying)
7. Enjoying the Gift (Sexual desire versus lust)
8. Breaking the Gift (What pornography does; addiction)
9. The Gift’s Purpose (Christ’s love for his church; redemption)
10. Conclusion

Most sections have a scripture reading and two talking points.

Target Ages: 7-11 (Although could be used with older children too.)

This brave resource book tackles a tricky subject for children, but alas, a necessary one. What I love most about this book is that it handles this subject through the lens of Biblical truth.

If not made obvious by the Summary section, this book addresses pornography while including the idea of sex. Although it does not go into detail about the act of sex, the word is referenced quite regularly. If you are going to use this book with your children, they need to know ahead of time that sex is what a husband and wife do to make a baby.

The book uses child-appropriate language to help children grasp ideas like the Biblical context for sex, normal sexual desire, objectification, sexual immorality, and more.

“There are times you can talk to your friends and times you can’t. Talking while the teacher is speaking is one time when you can’t. To say it another way, there are certain contexts when you can talk with your friends and certain contexts when you can’t.”

“That makes sense,” said Sarah. “So, there are times when you can have sex and times when you can’t.”

“Exactly!” said Nancy. The Bible tells us that sex is only okay in the context of marriage. Whenever you take God’s good gift of sex out of his good instructions on the context, it actually ends up hurting us.”

Although the age of seven might seem young to have these discussions, the age of first pornography exposure is dropping with each year, and having a resource to help with this sensitive discussion could be very beneficial. Do note that this book will likely spur many questions and discussions with your child- which is a good thing- but do be prepared to have follow-up conversations. There is a section that talks about how God made us to have sexual attractions and desires, which will likely need to be expounded upon.

The last full section presents the Gospel and the idea that the church is Christ’s bride. While I agree with everything written in this section, the shift between talking about the Bride of Christ and sex is a little swift and may cause some unintended questions. Here is part of the section:

“We are God’s Bride and this gets us back to marriage. God’s design of sex was to take place in marriage. When God told Adam and Eve to enjoy sex in the context of marriage, part of his purpose was to get us to see his love for his church. God is committed to always loving his people and his love is so steadfast, he sent his Son to save us…sexual immorality and pornography distort the picture of God’s love for his Bride. This is why sexual sin is such a big deal. It’s taking something God has a great purpose for and abuses it.”

This is the only section that I felt I might change the wording a bit when I read it with my child. I understand, agree with, and appreciate the point they are trying to make, but I don’t believe the execution was as successful here.

Every child will be different in their timing for a book like this, but I do urge you to have these conversations before the world is able to have them for you or to force you into having them. We certainly want to be wise and not present mature topics at too young of an age, but we also need to weigh the realities of our fallen world and our particular situation. Overall, this book is a very helpful, well-balanced, thoughtfully crafted resource that I recommend for your family.

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