God’s Design for Sex Series by Stan & Brenna Jones

This four-book series aims to establish a biblical view of sexuality for children of differing ages. The four titles are:

The Story of Me: Babies, Bodies, and a Very Good God (Ages 3-5)
Before I Was Born: God Knew My Name (Ages 5-8)
What’s the Big Deal?: Why God Cares About Sex (Ages 8-12)
Facing the Facts: The Truth About Sex and You (Ages 12-16)

My overall thoughts about this series are that the content doesn’t match the target age, usually giving much more information than necessary, although I know this is a very subjective matter. Also, I feel there is an unnecessary amount of detail given on some subjects. The series does try to keep a Biblical worldview in mind at all times, which I appreciate, but I also feel that sometimes that isn’t conveyed clearly. I know many, many families have used this series as a resource and have enjoyed its frank and straightforward approach,  See my more detailed thoughts below.

The Story of Me:

This picture book style book can be read in one sitting with a young child. This brief book covers a lot of anatomy: vagina (“where babies come out”), breasts (“how babies eat”), penis (“how we know if the baby is a boy”), and private parts (“a boy’s penis and a girl’s vagina”). It also briefly mentions adoption and c-section.

Some sentences are written leaning a bit legalistic sounding:

“When you live like Jesus and obey God’s rules like Jesus, your life will help other people know more about God.”

“A little boy like you can show Daddy and me you love us by obeying us. Daddy and I try to show God our love by obeying God’s good rules.”

While I obviously think that teaching children to obey God and their parents is important, if we are going to cover that in the text, we also need a clear Gospel presentation letting children know that they cannot truly obey without a Savior because we are sinners.

Before I Was Born:

This picture book style could be read in one sitting with a child, although it is a bit longer form. What I found a bit odd about this book is that there are illustrations of many naked people: adults and children. To be fair, the illustrations are very “fuzzy” looking without any detail, just giving basic outlines, but it felt unnecessary to me. There is a partial breast- including the nipple- of Eve shown, a young boy getting dressed and shown from the front, a young girl getting out of the bath shown from the front, an adult woman getting dressed and covering her breasts but her navel is showing, and a picture of a woman giving birth from the front- we see the baby emerging from her vagina.

This book does describe the act of sex itself:

“When a husband and a wife lie close together, he can fit his penis into her vagina. His semen flows inside of her, and their bodies feel good all over. Husbands and wives want to be alone during sex so they can think only of each other. This is the way babies are made.”

Topics covered are male and female biology: penis, scrotum, vagina, ovaries, sperm, hair in private parts, as well as marriage, the act of sex (as listed above), and an allusion to menstruation. There is some explanation of puberty, although it’s not referred to as such. It describes without too much detail how a boy’s body changes into a man’s and a girl’s to a woman’s.

What’s the Big Deal?

The format of this book is a script between parents and children. I found this a bit odd, especially how to use it practically. The suggestions to families says, “If your child is a good reader, ask him or her to read the parts where Sam and Amy are talking, while you, the parent, read the Mom and Dad parts.” Although some parents may appreciate the simplicity of this format, I think it puts the child in a very awkward position, reading questions that will likely feel very embarrassing and forced.

For example, the very first question is “Dad, what’s the big deal about sex? Why do people talk and joke so much about sex, like on TV and stuff?” While this is a question many children may have, making your child verbalize this in words that are not their own may cause them to feel not only embarrassment but resentment toward you as well. Another question is, “So do you and Mom have sex even when you aren’t trying to have a baby? How much do you do it?”

Making your child read aloud highly personal questions of this nature could very easily have the opposite intended effect and make your child dread talking to you about sexual matters. If you choose to use this book, I greatly encourage you to NOT go about this route and instead use each chapter as a guideline- perhaps even asking your children variations of appropriate questions, listening for their answers, and then guiding them in a Biblical understanding.

Some of the topics covered are:

How sex is distorted by the world, why married people have sex and God’s reasons for it, sex outside of marriage, changes in puberty for girls and boys, pornography, sexual arousal, homosexuality, sexting, sexual abuse, God’s forgiveness, and growing up.

I appreciate the author’s efforts to keep a Biblical worldview on these subjects, but I also think that sometimes too much information is given for the age. In this book, there is a detailed explanation of why sexual intercourse feels pleasurable including information about the clitoris and that its only purpose is for pleasure. To me, this seems like more appropriate information for premarital counseling instead of information for an 8-12-year-old. There is also a brief section aimed at boys that talks about becoming aroused at inappropriate times: seeing a beautiful actress, thinking about another boy or man who is handsome or you admire, or when you hear somebody describe something you know is wrong, like forcing a woman to have sex. While fathers and sons need to have open and honest conversations where these topics can be brought up, I’m not sure addressing these in passing is the best approach. Some may disagree, but I do think this might introduce ideas that might not otherwise have even been an issue.

On the subject of homosexuality, the author does take a stand that it is contrary to God’s word, using Leviticus 18:22 and 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 as support. I greatly appreciate how they highlight that every human being is created in the image of God and deserves to be treated with respect. However, I do feel the author is soft on this subject, skirting around the word “sin” as well as seeming to affirm what some might call a “celibate gay Christian.”

“There are Christian men and women who feel those [homosexual] feelings and choose to obey God by not having sex at all. This is the way God wants all people who are not married to behave, and many Christian men and women now and throughout history have lived beautiful lives like this. And there are some people who have such feelings or even lived as a homosexual for a while, and then God healed them so that they could have a normal marriage.”

There is also a fairly descriptive section on sexual abuse, some involving children and some adults. There is also a reference to God loving his children, but it sounds a bit like the author thinks all people are God’s children.

Facing the Facts:

Topics covered in this book include:

The big picture of sex and how God gives it as a gift, puberty for boys and girls, how a woman becomes pregnant, the failure of the sexual revolution, saving sex for marriage, dating, how far is too far, masturbation, pornography, homosexuality, and transgenderism.

Again, I feel this book goes too far in its descriptions of sexual matters, including intimate touching and descriptions of oral sex. I absolutely disagree with the position this book takes on masturbation. “Occasional masturbation that focuses on the pleasure of your body or the release of sexual tension- but not lustful images- may not be much of an issue with God. There may be more harm done by people punishing themselves with extreme guilt than by masturbation. We don’t think God wants his children to be overwhelmed with or obsessed about it.”

To not include masturbation in verses that cover sexual immorality is something with which I cannot agree.

The authors also reiterate their stance from the prior book on homosexuality, “Full same-sex intimacy is sinful, but feelings of attraction to people of the same sex are not sinful…A desire to do what is sinful is not in itself wrong. A desire to have sex with someone you’re attracted to is natural- it’s acting upon it by either doing it or taking steps toward doing it that would be wrong.”